Terms of Service
PLEASE READ THIS TERMS OF SERVICE CAREFULLY, AS IT CONTAINS IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING YOUR SERVICES
1. OBVIOUS
This Terms of Service is entered into by and between this fictious comical website ("ItsDelayed.com") and you, the delusional would be email service shopper, made effective never due to this fake agreement being a bunch of nonsense and humor.
This entire page of comic relief means nothing for this site is purely for comical purposes and provides no services for puchase.
Terms "we", "us", "this website", or "fictitious comical website" shall refer to ItsDelayed.com. Terms "you", "your", or "customer" shall refer to any indivdual who views this website.
2. FREEDOM OF CHOICE
Nobody in our organization has tortured, forced, or required you to use our terrible services. You made that failure of a decision and need to own up to it 100% and realisticly owe us an apology. Afterall we will have to deal with you and it's the least you could do.
3. FEES, PAYMENTS, AND CANCELLATION
All of our services require payment prior to services being started. Payment can be made via cash payment in USD, GBP, EUR, or JPY. Alternately we will accept non-tradtitional forms of payment via your first born child, your soul, or manual labor. Manual labor payment will be resolved by running the human hamster wheel for 30 days consecutive at 12 hours a day to help power our servers. We do not accept IOU's.
For cancelation of a service contract, we require in addition to the cancelation form: your DNA (for our clone army), fingerprints (for identity theft), 1st born child (we collect them in the office), and a living, heavily sedated leprechaun (provides us entertainment every Friday) to be shipped to our legal department for a review of your request.
There will be an administrative charge of $5,000 USD to process the documents. If any documents are missing or staple(s) found, we charge $100 per missing document or staple. For incomplete cancellation requests, there is a $500 "failed to follow directions" fee. We charge a $1,000 USD lab fees for DNA and fingerprint analysis. A $500 per week lodging and resort fee for the leprechaun until the cancellation request has been processed and approved. You are responsible for returing the leprechaun to Ireland and will be charged for $1,500 for us to execute this service upon cancelation approval or rejection.
4. MARKETING AND INFORMATION COLLECTION
We will not try to obtain, sell, or use your soul for marketing purposes unless it's offered in lieu of payment. Your stolen identity is not our problem, but yours if offered and accepted for payment. Your clone will be used in our campaign of world conquest and we hold no responsibility of his or her actions. Full rights granted to us to access personal and confidential emails that may randomly be posted internally to allow our staff to make fun of you and/or your clients.
5. SUPPORT
Feel free to contact us as often as you like. Our support team doesn't mind reading from the help pages publicly available. We do are not english majors and will not proof read your emails nor website and correct grammar or spelling errors, that is your responsibility.
